I haven’t been writing the blog every day — and was worrying about that. But then I realized that my worrying was pretty stupid, really.
I mean, the goal of daily writing was my own. It works out sometimes, but lately it hasn’t. I’ve been running the road, and then I’ve been cocooning. Sometimes I don’t have anything to write about, and to push it would be ridiculous. My schedule, after all, is my own — and so are my goals. It’s okay, I’ve admitted, to take short breaks from some things, like blogging.
What really is the purpose of the blog? Communication, mainly. And my needs to communicate aren’t always the same. Nor are my days always the same. Or my ability to get internet service.
I guess I’m saying I am adapting yet once more to myself and my life.
There are so many things to consider, to discuss with friends, to do. Time to visit and linger. Time for crafts and hobbies. Time for family. For travel. And many things to write about.
But some days, like today, I’m just sort of blank. This week has been about so many little things. That’s not bad, not at all. I have time for all of those “little things” now, time that doesn’t have to be carved from precious spare time, from teaching and grading. Sometimes, even in retirement, a little break is absolutely necessary.
I’ve been doing a bit of housework. I’ve had regular doctors’ appointments to keep, meetings to make. I’ve met my friend Myra to make jewelry (and will again this afternoon). I’ve been meaning to call and schedule a repairman/service call for my refrigerator because the freezer isn’t working properly, but I’ve put it off until today — when the washer decided to join the “I don’t want to work” list. The agitator isn’t agitating. It just jerks. So I made the call — for the two jobs — and next Thursday I’ll be waiting. I want to apply for my Social Security benefits, so I looked for my Social Security card, which I’ve had for decades. Can’t find it. It’s put up somewhere so safe that it is hiding from me. But I can’t get a replacement card because of the government shut-down. However, I can still make an appointment and apply for benefits without it, so I did.
Some days, I think I spend more time scheduling things or making phone calls than anything else. Sometimes I can’t even manage that — for example, I’ve been trying to call my pharmacy to order refills for two hours now, but when I try, the line is always busy.
This is a week where I’ve frantically searched for missing things — like my Social Security card — without any luck. That list includes two rings that are very precious to me, not for their actual value but for sentimental reasons. My frustration level has not eased. I am berating myself pretty regularly for my carelessness. On the other hand, I’ve found the legal papers I was looking for. Guess I’m batting .300 or so, at least this week. Some weeks it’s better; some it’s worse.
Organizing and straightening always occupy part of my time. This week has been no different. I spent some time in the office trying to group together things, trying to label things so that I can easily put my hands on them. But when you couple that with looking for items you can’t locate . . . doubly frustrating. I don’t want to destroy the place looking for things, so I try to be methodical and organize as I go. Mild success, as in Monopoly where I at least Pass Go.
In the meantime, I’ve managed to read a lot. I’ve worked on jewelry and made some things with the precious metal clay. Last night I went to the first monthly meeting of our new local Silver Clay group. We hope to share our learning and our new addiction. Yesterday, my second kiln firing was both success and failure — thus an opportunity for learning more. I fired six pieces at the same time yesterday — two pendant and earrings sets. One pendant broke, as did two earrings — but not a matching set. I’ve kept the pieces so that I can try to find out what caused this. I am, after all, a rank newbie at this, and not having a digital kiln is a handicap. I can see a purchase in the future. . . but for now I’m waiting for a digital pyrometer that I ordered. In the meantime, I’ll make some more things and use the butane torch. It’s all part of the learning curve. Plus I’m keeping a notebook about this so that I can see what I’ve done, what works, and what doesn’t. Without analysis, how will I know? My analytical mind at least still functions, trained in decades of teaching and grading. This afternoon, I’ll meet Myra and take my wires and stones and work on earrings as well as wire-wrapping stones and cabochons.
Regular domestic chores, playtime, visiting with friends, planning on family weekend and shopping for cooking for that. That’s this week. Tonight I’ll have to cook and chop chicken breasts for chicken salad as well as boil potatoes for potato salad — both of which I’ll actually finally put together at the farm after I get there tomorrow. At least nine of us will show up there tomorrow, so the small kitchen gets crowded fast. Using the stove and oven gets to be a trick with all of us working. If I arrive with the cooking part done, then all I have to do is assemble the two salads, which can then be refrigerated. The potato salad will actually get assembled on Saturday morning, right before the reunion, which is at lunchtime.
I’ve got to pack for the weekend too, and load that into the truck. Since I’ll be hauling back a riding lawn mower, I need the truck and tie-downs for this trip — and then on Sunday I’ll drive to Egan to unload the mower. And switch vehicles.
Not that I’m complaining — I’m just amazed, as I frequently am: just how, I often ponder, did I manage to work? Of course then my stress levels were at DANGER WILL ROBINSON level — there isn’t a red color strong enough to label my stress levels. Those are nearly non-existent now. It’s funny — I always heard people saying this, and now I’m one of those people. But it’s true, you know? Time is now mine — but it fills up so fast! And the calendar has dates filled in; nearly every week has something to prepare for.
In the end, though, I’m savoring all of it. That I can wake up, decide to go back to sleep, and just get up when I’m ready still is such a treat. That I can stay up all night reading — without having to haul myself out of bed the next morning to teach classes and go to the office — is a joy. If I want to come here to my home office, type or work on papers or bills or make phone calls and notes — fine. The pets follow me and keep me company. If I want to wash dishes or put on laundry — I can do that whenever (except now, when the washer’s gone on shutdown along with the government). Some days the sheer opportunity to live in my house, to go from room to room and chore to chore, with breaks for reading or naps — just a new and wonderful experience. Before May 2011, I still had chores and personal errands and appointments, but I also had to teach and grade and see students and take care of Dad.
Now — for the first time ever, I think, other than occasional vacation weeks or weekends — I am simply living in my house. It isn’t a place where I sleep and crash after work and/or between semesters. No it is part of my life in a very different and interesting way. It’s easy to fall into the hibernation mode where I stay home and work and sleep and play. Sometimes, I think if I didn’t have to get to the grocery store and pet store I might never leave the house. Sometimes, I joke (sort of), I know that I could be one of those cat-ladies who never leave home. I’d just have to have dogs with my cats.
My hibernation mode never lasts more than a week at best, and usually only a few days — but now I can indulge it. Home is, for the first time, truly the center of my life. I go out from it to the world, and come back to it, and it’s all new.
I’m sure I’ll write most days, though perhaps not on the blog every day. The blog is still an important part of my new life. I have manuscripts I want to revise, too, and submit. And editing/writing jobs occasionally. But the blog is a kind of publication, really, one that is welcome.
Balancing all the elements that make up my life is an ever-changing, on-going process. But without the element of teaching/grading/working for a living — not really stressful.
I’ve blithered on enough for today about blogging and life.
Time to gather up my supplies and go outside, get in the truck, and head for McDonald’s to meet Myra. Then grocery store time so that I can cook tonight while I watch television and pack.
Since the farm seems to exist in a near-black hole as far as cell towers are concerned, I hope to blog from there. If I can’t manage that, I’ll be back on Monday.