Monthly Archives: August 2013

Weekend

Some weekends, I feel as though I might as well just give up being productive.  When those weekends pop up (as this weekend), I find it’s best just to give in and give up.

Yesterday, I simply stayed home.  Today, however, I finally got dressed and drove to meet friends for coffee at Starbucks.  The plan was to work on jewelry with my friend Myra at 1, but when I started to unpack my jewelry tote, I had forgotten to pack the tools.

I had wire, beads, and various findings.  Without tools, though?  Zip.  Since I haven’t worked for a while on any jewelry projects, I just shrugged and repacked everything.  Tomorrow, I’ll put the tools in the car next to the tote.  I’ve got some earrings to work on.

That’s the kind of day it really was.  My brain was never quite running on full throttle.  It was working enough to visit and talk with friends, but that was about it.  I ended up shopping after a while, and then sitting again, trying to work on various photos in iPhoto.  When iPhoto won’t load, though. . . . Nothing.  Again I was frustrated.

No matter what I tried to work with earlier today, nothing seemed to work out.  

Maybe it was meant to be a day to catch up with friends and just chat.  That’s okay.  I don’t have to multitask.  Sometimes, friends need to be my only focus, and perhaps that’s what all the aborted attempts at work were telling me.  

After all, I’m still learning that I don’t have to do two or three things at a time.  My time is more elastic, more flexible.  Sometimes, my friend Myra and I will work on jewelry together.  I’m just so accustomed to multitasking.  Clearly, I’m still learning how time works in this new life of mine.  Also, I am still getting settled after being away for three months.  I’ve only been back three weeks.  

Finally at home, I plugged in my MacBook Air and let it charge.  I went online to read some support articles about the iPhoto problem.  Eventually, I simply tried to open the program and let it run.  Success!  The program actually opened.  It’s amazing how much time it’s possible to spend reviewing photos and wondering just how they’re organized.  Actually, they’re not.  Clearly, that’s a project begging for attention!

By now, it’s clear that I’m not the only lethargic entity around.  The pets are curled up in various poses.  I’m thinking it’s time to join them, pull up the covers, and dream myself into a new, energetic week.

I’ve already put the garbage out for tomorrow’s pickup — clearing out a lot from the refrigerator first.  Now I don’t have to worry about forgetting to get up early enough to put it out.  It’s done.

Tomorrow — I will wake up and (fingers crossed) be awake and ready to go.

In the words of one of my heroines, Scarlett O’Hara, “tomorrow is another day.”  

 

 

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It’s All A Matter of Perspective

Today was one of the most indulgent days I’ve spent in a while. I have stayed indoors, reading, sleeping, and putting various gels and liquids on my legs. The fire ants of the final and successful beach-yard mowing continue to plague me.

Yesterday started out fine. I packed up, cleaned the beach house, and then I drove back from the beach, unloaded the dogs at the house, and headed out to run some errands. Afterwards, I ended up at Starbucks enjoying a cold frapuccino while visiting with a friend.

My last errand, on the way home, was to stop at the grocery. Along with food for the weekend, I picked up a new version of an old remedy for fire-ant bites– a clear Calamine lotion (now a gel). I knew I would need it.

Twenty-four hours after my having been stung, the ant bites by last evening had taken on the typical red ring around a nasty-looking hard pustule. And they itched. Lord, how they itched.

I spent an uncomfortable night periodically awakening and dousing my lets with the gel. Today I added intermittent splashes of rubbing alcohol to prevent infection, since a number of the pustules had burst. Not a pretty sight, believe me, and not comfortable.

Today I had planned to meet other friends for coffee, but they’d driven to Houston for they day. Free to pamper myself, I simply stayed home.

In between reading about fire-ant bites (the internet really is so handy at finding out about so many things), I napped and re-read some favorite Georgette Heyer novels (now available in e-book form). Transported periodically back to the Regency period, I also thumbed through a couple of magazines — the current Country Living and House Beautiful issues. Texts and phone calls also provided breaks. Yet at no time did I even think about turning on the television. Somehow, I didn’t feel like watching anything.

As it did yesterday evening, rolling thunder periodically threatened to break the heat with cooling rain. Threatened, but did not. Perhaps a few drops fell, but nothing more. Rain would really be refreshing right now.

So today has been tranquil. The dogs and Homer and Romeo kept me company. Right now, Homer, Zsa Zsa, and Gypsy have sacked out around me, leaving me just enough room to lie back down in a bit and read some more before drifting off to sleep.

Of course, I’ll reach for the cooling anti-itch gel that sits on my bedside table. It will relieve me, at least for a while.

Sometimes, days like today are good for me. They remind me that I’m truly fortunate. Though annoying, the bites can be controlled, and if they get infected, I can see my family practitioner easily. And my insurance will pay for most of it.

I’m able to relax at home, in comfort, and not worry about missing work or about having to get out and about.

Facebook this week reminds me of just how fortunate I am. Two friends are in Houston with their baby boy still in NICU at Texas Children’s Hospital; fall term starts soon, and they’ll be commuting and teaching online. We don’t know when the baby will get to come home. He’s been a survivor so far, and his parents are amazing. Another friend is in New Orleans with her granddaughter (who is just a few years old); the granddaughter had a brain tumor, has had surgery, and will begin radiation treatments this week.

My ant bites pale in comparison. I’ll whine, of course, about the discomfort and the itch and the possible scarring. But I know the difference between my indulgent whining and true suffering.

I can’t really do anything for my friends, but I hope they know how much they’re loved and how much any of their friends would be happy to do for them.

Perspectives really are good for us.

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The Λαϊκή (The Market)

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Every day in Athens, there’s a street market somewhere. Every neighborhood (γειτονιά) has one, always on the same day of the week. My neighborhood, Vyronas (Byron) and the neighborhood of Pangrati have one every Friday. As you can see from the photographs, there’s much on offer. If you walk up from Plateia Varnavas for a few blocks, you’ll see all sorts of things on sale, from clothes to household goods to vegetables, fish, flowers, and spices.

I’ll head up the street with €20 in my pocket and more in my purse, if I need it. I’ll start from Πλατεία Βαρναβα (Plateia Varnava) and head up Κρισιλα (Krisila). Usually by the time I have walked the few blocks up to Ευφρανορος (Effranoros), I have several bags of fresh vegetables.

Tomatoes are always luscious and ready to eat. Now I notice that it’s possible to buy cherry tomatoes as well as regular ones. Eggplants, zucchini, onions — you name it. You’ll find it. Fruit is seasonal — almost always oranges all summer, and watermelons and cantaloupe. Sometimes a vendor gets artistic and carves a watermelon into shapes. Cherries and strawberries and apricots appear for shorter periods of time. It’s difficult to pass things up sometimes. Especially because you can taste everything first. RIght now, my mouth is watering as I remember sweet fresh watermelon.

But always I look for the olive guy. He has at least six different offerings, maybe more. Kalamata olives, big and fat and purply. Brine cured olives. Oil cured olives, wrinkly and with a bite. Olives stuffed with pimentos. Olives stuffed with small peppers. I always look for the olive guy.

Eggs? Yes, often. And you can buy a single egg if you want. Potatoes. Greens. Spinach. Lettuce. Cucumbers. Fresh fish.

It’s hard to keep track of everything. From 8 a.m. or so until about 2 or 3 p.m., you can wander up and down. By the end of the shopping afternoon, the stalls are emptying out. Lots of litter lines the street. Some vendors have sold out. It’s a good time for bargains then.

Off one small side street you can find flowers and plants. I’ve bought small basil plants there before — it’s always good luck to have a basil plant in your house. Or on your balcony.

And it’s lively, too. I play dodge-the-yiayia (the grandmother) with all the little old ladies who are wielding their shopping baskets (sometimes cloth, sometimes metal). It’s easy to get hit, to bump into someone. In fact, it’s nearly impossible notto run into someone.

Voices soft and loud, and louder cascade in your ears. Vendors yell out their offerings. Shoppers visit with each other, query the vendors.

In winter, there are fewer items on offer, but it’s just as lively. Colder, perhaps, with breath clouding up as you talk and walk.

Somewhere, I’ll stop at a bakery and get a freshly baked loaf of bread.

I usually end up on Effranoros Street, take a right, and walk a couple of blocks to my favorite cafe,
Cafe Libre. It’s right across from Profitias Ilias church. I’ll have a diet Coke and ice water in summer, or cappuccino or Greek coffee in winter. Maybe I’ll grab a sandwich if I’m hungry.

This is seasonal shopping, and if you cook what’s fresh and available, you have a wealth of choices in spring and summer, fewer in winter. Now, though, with supermarkets and frozen foods, Greeks have a larger choice year round.

When I’m back in the U.S., it usually takes me a few weeks to stop shopping as though I have to buy only what I can carry from the grocery store home. I forget that I have a car.

Here in Lake Charles, I have a farmer’s market on Saturdays and on Tuesday afternoons. My personal garden (my dad’s garden) no longer exists, so I can’t rely on Dad for a spring, summer, or fall garden to provide for me.

Since I tend to have a black thumb (not a green one), I’ll start going to the farmer’s markets more. Maybe I’ll try my hand at some fall tomatoes. I’m even considering some container gardening.

But nothing will match my Athens laiki day. I’ll just look at the photos and videos and remember Friday shopping ventures there, at least until my next trip to Athens.

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Juggling, Academic Life, and Retirement

Juggling work and family obligations kept my head reeling for years. I taught four courses a semester, was in Faculty Senate, sat on a number of committees, and often was an adviser for some of our majors. Research and publishing were stressed, but so was I — stressed, I mean. I am single, live alone (except for the pets), and had no one to do all the things that need doing or taking care of with a household.

True, the last few years that I worked I had a friend who helped me keep the house straight. She came in every other week for three hours. In between, I could mostly manage to keep things straight. Mostly.

But who else was going to run my errands? Cook my meals? Do the laundry? Pay the bills?

Me. No wife or house-husband. And the dogs and cats just didn’t care as long as their food was there and their needs were taken care of.

Some people hear that I taught 12 hours a week and thought that like other faculty who had the same load, I simply worked 12 hours a week. Oh, that that were indeed true! No, the truth is that we worked far more. We had a mandatory 10 office hours a week. That didn’t count the other meetings for students who couldn’t meet us during scheduled hours, or for meetings or committees. Nor did it include phone calls during “off” time, or time spent at home answering email or grading or preparing for classes.

Sometimes, I wanted a legislator — or anyone who thought faculty had a light load — to take my job for a week or two. I know it’s not as physically demanding as many laborers’ jobs. But believe me, most faculty members at public universities work far more than many people know.

The closest I came to publication for years was managing to keep up with research for classes. My summers? I used them for downtime, for de-compressing. Weekends weren’t enough for that, not after two long semesters.

I wrote — just not academic essays. I planned some, and I even have a draft of an academic book. But my mind seemed to turn off by itself. It clearly knew that’s what it needed. And what I needed for survival.

Then, of course, came more responsibilities with my dad. As his health worsened, I spent more and more time with him. I took on more responsibilities. I took him to doctor’s appointments; I was there for those appointments. I needed to know what was going on so that I could explain to him.

By the last year I taught, I was commuting most of the time. By the time I retired, I had moved in to his house, commuting to my house in Lake Charles on weekends when my sister came to stay. We referred to our “tag-team” method of caring for Dad.

My own academic work — and my own other writing — simply came last. I shoved it aside. I kept a journal. Eventually I started blogs.

But put myself first? I hadn’t really done that for years, not full-time, anyway.

Now I can. And it’s interesting. I am discovering what I want to do. Some of my plans for writing projects are yet to be resurrected, but I know that they will be. Soon.

My own house? That too was on the back burner for years. Now I’m paying attention — and money — to get it in order, to get long-planned renovations done.

Teaching was a wonderful profession. It was not something I’d planned — in fact, I often said that teaching was one of the last things I wanted — along with being a secretary. Yet when I was in grad school working on my MA in English at L.S.U. in Baton Rouge, I got a teaching assistantship. I took it to pay the bills and to alleviate expenses that my parents had taken on when I moved to Baton Rouge for school.

Within a week, I had an epiphany — this was what I was meant to do. My Aunt Jean tells me that she always knew I would be a teacher. I tell her I’m glad someone did, because I surely didn’t! Once I found my passion for it, my passion for writing took second place. Or even tenth place.

When we’re young, we often don’t know what we want to be when we “grow up.” I wanted to be a writer — a foreign correspondent, to be exact. Just how I thought I’d become that, I don’t know. So teaching surprised me. Seduced me. And educated me.

There were certainly times when I plodded through, times when I was weary. But the rewards of the classroom never disappeared. They continue, even now. When I see a former student, or hear from one, and they talk about my classes and how much they learned or enjoyed them — that’s still a reward. That’s what teaching is about. Touching those students and their lives.

Today on a Facebook page for Iota, Louisiana, there was a discussion thread asking if anyone remembered a particular teacher. I certainly did. She only taught me one class, for one year, but I still remember her. Years later, even after I was teaching at McNeese, I might run into her in Crowley, or even Lake Charles. She always had a smile for me. She always knew my name. She always had time to talk to me.

Teachers make such a difference. Too often, we dismiss them. We overlook the many fine, dedicated teachers and deride the bad ones who simply collect a paycheck.

Teaching might not have been my first planned career. But teaching composition and American literature at university turned out to be not just a job, but my avocation, my passion.

And when it was time to retire, I knew it. Not because teaching was stale, but because I had other responsibilities. And other desires. It was time to leave an opening for a younger professional.

I haven’t looked back since. I refer to retirement as “graduation,” and that’s accurate. For me, retirement was graduating all over again, into a new life.

At the time, that was a life of caregiving. As long as that lasted, I was grateful for the time and freedom to be able to take care of Dad.

And now it’s time for me. I feel like I did that summer of 1969, right after I graduated from high school and entered college (two weeks after finishing high school).

The world was opening for me then. It is again. And what I have to write about has been enriched by many years of teaching, years of dialogues with students about literature and life and writing, and by being a caregiver for Dad. I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.

Now the only things I juggle are my own interests, my own responsibilities for house things. I kind of like it.

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My Life with Animals

As far back as I remember, I’ve always had a pet, usually a dog. In my 30s I acquired my first cat. Now I’ve some of each, and can’t imagine life without pets.

My first pet was a short-haired pointer, one that a neighbor gave to me when I wasn’t even a year old — one that my dad hunted for years. She was my best friend. Kate was loving and patient; if I tried to ride her, she stood there. If I fell off, she stood there. If I called, she came. If Dad asked her where I was, she found me. She was, my dad proclaimed until he died, the best dog he ever had. The last day of her life, she managed to get out and run when he took her out in the field. One last good afternoon, and then she died. I was, I think, 11, and I thought my heart would break. I had no memories of life without her.

We had other dogs, almost always pointers. Once we had a dachshund that my grandmother gave us. Maxie had the cutest quizzical face — he’d look up at you, his little forehead wrinkled and his head cocked. Someone poisoned him one weekend, and he was so small — he just didn’t survive. Shortly afterwards, someone poisoned our pointer, who was larger and who did survive. Both dogs were confined, so someone had to search them out. I’ve never understood what drives people to deliberately hurt animals.

By the time I was in college, I had to enjoy the pets only on weekends, whenever I was home. I also began to bring home strays. Though friends thought my parents wouldn’t let me keep them, they were wrong. In fact, with one puppy I found, so young his eyes weren’t open, my dad sat in the floor with me, feeding that puppy with an eyedropper.

On my own in grad school, I got a tiny puppy, a cross between a chihuahua and a poodle — Punkin. Bright, curious, and lively, she was my companion for almost 9 years. From LSU (grad school) to Lamar (teaching) to Texas A&M (grad school) to McNeese, Punkin saw me through my studies, my heartbreaks, my first full-time job, and got me settled in what would be my career job. Her heart murmur finally killed her, And I cried as though my heart would break. Dad came over, picked her body up, and took her back to Egan to bury her.

She died just before I defended my dissertation. The day I defended, I bought a Shih Tzu, my first (but not my last). Scarlett stole my heart. A few months later, she was joined by a stray Shih Tzu mix (Rocky) and my first cat (R.B.) We were a happy menagerie for years. After I bought my house, we were joined by another stray, a cat that simply followed me inside one day. Lil Bit stayed a bit longer than her name might indicate.

Scarlett lived nearly 16 years, Rocky almost 13. RB lived almost 18 years and Lil Bit over 11 years.

Along the way I also acquired Scruffy (a terrier mix, rescued from the 12th Street Kroger parking lot). After only Scruffy and RB were left, my cousin in Galveston (his wife, actually) found a little Shih Tzu wandering the streets in their neighborhood. Black and white, terribly matted, she came to live with me. Zoe cemented the place Shih Tzus have made in my heart.

By the time I evacuated for Hurricane Ike, I only had Scruffy and Zoe and RB. Within months, all of them were dead. Lots of pets didn’t survive long after the hurricane; stress took its toll on many of our little companions.

Gypsy was a Shih Tzu my sister found wandering the streets in Natchitoches. Kay found her owners, but soon her owners decided not to keep her. I took her. Then I took a long-haired calico from a friend — Callie.

Only two, I said. Enough. That didn’t last long. Then I saw a little black and white Shih Tzu mix and fell in love again. Zsa Zsa joined the family. Rocky, a black and white male kitten, came from my dad’s yard in Egan; I couldn’t stand to see him disappear as so many of the yard cats did.

Four. More than enough, I said. That was true until I was in Greece, on the island of Spetses a few years ago. While I was sitting at a cafe near the port, a small calico kitten zeroed in on me, rubbed around my ankles, jumped in my lap, climbed on my shoulder, and went to sleep. Apparently, I have “sucker” written on my forehead not only in English but also in Greek. Getting her home was less trouble than I though. With a nod to what I was reading at the time, I named her Homer. I mean, Homer might have been a woman; we don’t know for sure.

So my house is full. Three cats, two dogs. Most of them are rescue animals. All are loving creatures. Homer thinks she’s a dog, it seems. She hangs with the two dogs. Romeo is meek, peeping up at me, hesitantly sneaking up on the bed if the others let her. Callie sticks to the study, her territory. She’ll wander in to the laundry room and kitchen for food and water, occasionally into the bedroom. Mostly, though, she stays to herself.

It’s not easy to travel with pets, not most of the time. For a few days or a week, I manage with leaving enough food and water, having friends check on them. For longer periods, say for three months when I’m in Greece, I’ve managed to get a house-sitter who lives in the house for free, but cares for the animals. This year, though, I had to cobble together pet-sitters, a friend who cleans my house, other friends, and my sister – because I couldn’t find a live-in sitter. I’ve got to start working on that for thenext long trip.

My pets demand attention, certainly. They also require maintenance. Cat litter. Dog walks and papers. Food and water. Lots of attention.

But they’re so rewarding. Constant companions, they seem to sense when I’m upset or stressed or depressed. They’ll curl around me in bed, barricading me in from what would hurt me. They lick me, reassuring me of their love. They look into my eyes with total trust.

When I’m gone for long periods of time, I miss my sister and niece, my cousins and aunts, my friends. And my pets. When I miss having them with me, I know it’s time to go back to Louisiana and join them.

Without my own children, I guess my pets are my children. They are my support system. They need me as nothing else and no one else does. They love unconditionally.

Studies show that pet therapy has many positive effects. Petting a dog or cat can lower blood pressure. Residents in nursing homes respond when therapy pets are brought around — they’re happy, they smile.

The joys are worth the troubles, worth the losses. Their places in my heart are irreplaceable. Yet there’s always room for loving another.

As for me, I know that if possible, I’ll always have a pet. At least one.

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Grief, Writer’s Blocks, and Breakthroughs

One of the most distressing things of the last year or so has been my inability to write. The well-known “writer’s block” set in after Dad died. For several months I’d been writing two blogs, one on Dad and being a caregiver, and one on post-retirement life.

A second draft manuscript of creative non-fiction/memoir essays has been untouched for months. I hadn’t written anything on a project about growing up in an oil-field camp. My still-in-first-draft manuscript about American writers and Greece has been stalled for two years. I hadn’t written any poems in months.

But the blogs — especially the blog about Dad — came flowing out.

And then he died. I got some more written. And then everything stopped.

It felt as though I’d never get anything written again. My journal had haphazard entries. Even last summer’s travel blog didn’t get completed.

When my brain shut down from overload after months of stress, it really stopped everything. I felt dead. I could read, read for hours. But write? Not really, other than occasional journals. My head just was fuzzy.

In Greece during the summer of 2012 for six weeks, I attended a wedding in Naoussa, in the north of Greece. My friend Carolyn’s niece was getting married to a lovely young man from there. I loved being included, and thoroughly enjoyed the days leading up to the wedding, and dancing and partying at the reception. The day after, we headed back to Thessaloniki by chartered bus, and picked up two Jeeps. Eight of us drove on to Chalkidiki to join the bride and groom and his family.

That’s when my stamina — and my energy — really flagged. I slept. I stayed in. It was the week of Father’s Day and my dad’s birthday. Those days hit me — he wasn’t there. When we all left, I flew back to Athens and hibernated.

That hibernation lasted for most of the rest of the year. In late December I began to “wake up,” as I called it. Rising out of hibernation, out of my stupor of grief and exhaustion, I found myself enjoying my house in Lake Charles, and anticipating find my new routine. I also thought I’d broken the writing block barrier.

Wrong. That went on for months.

Greece has been for me a place of rejuvenation, of healing, and of discovery. When I lived there for six months in 1996, teaching at the University of Athens as a Senior Fulbright Scholar, I arrived two weeks after we’d buried my brother Phil. It was my therapy, my refuge.

For years after that, I went to Greece every summer. Those summer breaks were my respite from much stress (work-related, mostly, at least at first). For a few years, I rented an apartment from the Athens Centre and took intensive or immersion Greek classes. Then I bought an apartment, and the few weeks stretched to two and a half months.

Usually I referred to going to Greece as “running away” — temporarily, of course. I always returned ready to go back to my “real life,” to work, to handle everything.

But after Dad died, it took more than a summer. As I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs, I didn’t really realize just how exhausted I was, on every level possible. Coming back from that state took over a year for me.

And it only broke while I was in Greece this year. I arrived in Greece on April 20; I wanted to be in Greece for Orthodox Easter. Friends visited me for differing amounts of time. I traveled to London for a 5-day/4-night break. I went to Istanbul for a few days. I visited with friends. I had friends over for dinner.

And then came a real treat: I was fortunate enough to attend the poetry workshop of my friend Alicia Stallings, at the Athens Centre, in Athens. For three wonderful weeks, I woke up, went to class, walked to a coffee shop, and read and wrote. We wrote, on average, a poem a day. Sometimes more. We worked with different forms, usually one a day.

There were only a few of us in the group, and it was wonderful to once more be part of a writing circle, to laugh and to listen and to read my own work out loud.

That’s when the dam apparently broke open. The class ended on a Friday, and on the following Thursday I returned to the U.S. By the following week, I’d combined my two blogs into one and began writing that daily.

My poems are in my laptop bag, and I have started to type them into my laptop, working on them as I go.

The schedule isn’t perfect yet. It’s still emerging. But I find myself writing daily and thinking about writing. What I haven’t begun working on yet I am thinking about, planning.

We often laugh about writer’s block. I’d had it before, but nothing quite so profound as I’ve experienced in the last year and a half or so. Of course, I’d never been quite so emotionally static, either, or so exhausted on every level possible.

Week by week, month by month, I read and slept and waited. Sometimes I felt bits of myself return. But a lot of times, I wondered if I’d ever be myself again.

Slowly, I emerged from the fog, the den of whatever hibernation I had entered. The death of my father clearly led to another death, the death of one part of me. Just as retirement had been a kind of death, so was losing Dad. And I was rudderless. My purposes in life were gone.

I spent six weeks in Greece in 2012. That fall, I enjoyed being in my own home, visiting with friends, picking up the pieces of my life there. In January 2013 I began to get renovations on my own Lake Charles home started. My house was no longer just a place I visited, but my home once more, and I wanted to have a place where friends could feel comfortable. Those renovations stopped when I went to Greece in April 2013, and are ready to begin again. On July 18, I flew back to Houston. By the next week, I was writing again.

Friends have told me that this time, when I came back and they heard my voice, they knew I was “back,” in a way that I hadn’t been for over a year. That’s true. I feel that I am myself again, though admittedly a changed self.

They noticed my physical voice, which clued them in that I was back.

I noticed my writing voice was back.

A new energy suffuses my outlook. Day after day for so long, I simply woke up, slept, read, ate, and talked to friends. That was a necessary time, a healing time, and something that healed me from the inside out.

Once I found I could write, I knew I was back. Now I’m ready to work on existing projects, to plan new ones. There are still days of “I think I’ll sleep in,” but there is always a time of day when I’m eager to sit down and write. Or revise.

Thanks, Alicia, for helping me break through. Thanks to all my fellow poets in the group, who patiently listened and critiqued and encouraged.

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Mowers and Phone Calls

Sometimes it’s the smallest things that trigger my realization that Dad is gone. Yesterday was one of those days.

For years, my friends laughed at me because Dad would drive over to Lake Charles every other week and mow my grass. I could and did mow it, but he liked being useful. And I guess he thought he was helping out (of course, he was). My yard isn’t exactly huge, and I could mow it – – back and front – – in twenty minutes. But he’d come over and trim with a weed-eater as well.

When I did mow, sometimes I couldn’t get the mower started. Sometimes the gas was gummed up (or whatever). Sometimes things needed cleaning (spark plugs?). And over the years, sometimes it was just that a mower was going out. I’d make some comment about buying a new mower, and Dad would automatically say that he thought he could fix it. And so I’d see him sweating in the sun, with lawnmower parts around him, and within an hour the mower was usually running again. When I did need a new mower, before I actually could buy one he’d usually leave one for me.

In Egan, when we bought some land and moved a house from the Sun Oil camp onto it, our yard was large enough that Dad bought a riding mower. He never had trouble getting us to help him mow. We all enjoyed driving that riding mower.

By the time I had moved back to Egan, Kay and I were taking turns mowing the yard. When I was living with Dad, I mowed most of the time. Now that Dad is gone, Kay and I have been taking turns mowing. Of course, week before last when I tried, the mower’s belt snapped. When my neighbor Charles and our handyman Mack hauled it over to Iota, we discovered that lots of repairs are needed. Rather than make that investment yet (only this past week we had to pay for a new engine for our mutually owned Ford truck), we’re having Mack mow for us.

In Lake Charles, my friends chuckle, because while I’ve been mowing in Egan, I’ve been paying someone to take care of my lawn. He mows and trims every other week. When necessary, he cleans out overgrown plants from the flower beds. I have a mower in my storage building, but it doesn’t work. Now that the truck is working, I’ll have to take it for repairs.

But here at the beach, Kay and I had nothing. So on Saturday, I went into Galveston and bought an old-fashioned push mower, as in a rotary mower. Not successful yet with thick, overgrown grass. I still need to use Kay’s method, mowing with a weed-eater. Luckily the yard here isn’t very big.

But all this has made me think of Dad. How he was so much part of my life in so many ways. There was a point yesterday when I almost called it to ask about using the new mower. Then I realized that I couldn’t do that. Not anymore.

Dad taught me many things. I learned to take the U-tube apart under a sink and find my dropped contact lenses. I learned to change tires. I could check oil in a car. Over the years, I became pretty handy around my house. I could research something and figure out a lot of things. But he was always cautious about my use of some power tools, especially saws. He enjoyed helping, but I also think he enjoyed watching me learn.

Of course, many things around the hose are beyond me. I can’t do electrical work (he was an electrician). I know something about it, but never learned how to do anything. He simply wouldn’t trust me. I can use a power drill. I know how to use a hammer. I helped to put down flooring. I painted entire rooms by myself, even taping and mudding some sheetrock. Yes, he taught me a lot of things. But some things? Like the mower questions? I need to ask him. I think about calling him.

Those are the moments when I am really caught up short. I’m 62, and for most of my life — and certainly all of my adult life — when something mechanical didn’t work, I could call him and he’d try to figure out what was wrong. Over the phone, if possible. Looking at it, if necessary. Some things he never could figure out. Only then would he “let” me call someone professional, or take the mower to a repair shop.

Now, though, he’s not there anymore. I can’t make those phone calls anymore. I can’t describe what a machine is or isn’t doing, and he can’t diagnose the problem.

Today I’ve really been aware of the phone calls I can’t make anymore. The phone line doesn’t exist anymore; Kay and I gave up the phone in Egan. And even if it were still there, the call would only echo in a house that we only visit. No one would be there to answer it.

I guess I was spoiled, in a way. Spoiled in the sense of knowing I could always call for assistance, even if that was verbal. But I was also the opposite at the same time, because he figured girls — and women — needed to be independent and how to do things.

So here I am, retired, ready to mow a tiny yard, and needing to male a phone call.

Unable to do that, I’ll just punt and come up with another possibility. He taught me how to do that, too.

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Beach House Bingo

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I grew up coming to Crystal Beach, spending time every summer when my maternal grandmother rented a beach house for a week or two. I grew up enjoying the warm Gulf of Mexico (sometimes more than warm, admittedly). I learned to deal with tar balls, with red tides, with dead jellyfish. When I was a teenager, I remember baby oil and beach towels and tanning far more than is considered healthy today. And the movies of the 60s also made beach life look enticing — of course, those beaches were in California an had Annette Funicello and others. Our beaches weren’t so pretty. And had entire families, not just perfect-looking teenagers. I even remember one summer when there was a big tiki hut with live music and dancing — right on the beach.

So when I found a small beach house in 1997, for a reasonable price, I snapped it up. It was an old fishing camp from the 1960s, probably. Lots of stained plywood. No insulation. It was about 650 square feet in size, an “open-concept” home with one bathroom. During strong winds, you could feel the whole structure give in the wind, as the design was meant to.

Hurricane Ike completely destroyed it. All I had left was a cracked slab and some twisted poles. For a few years, I had a small camper trailer set up on the slab. But that was limited in its appeal (for me, anyway). Kay and I talked about re-building, but didn’t follow through until after Dad died.

We had very similar ideas and had no trouble deciding on the design. Our builder, AM Coastal, was great to work with. We selected colors, granite, flooring. We paid builder’s insurance.

First the slab had to be removed, and then we had to have dirt work so that the lot was a bit higher, even with the neighbors’ lots so that rain didn’t pool on the lot, creating a lake. Finally, the pilings were put in, and building began.

By last fall, it was done. We’d paid for it, together. It was ours. Utilities are in my name since I already had accounts for this property.

Kay and I took possession of the beach house not quite a year ago. We moved furniture in, using what we already had or had bought. I’d bought dishes and pots and pans, getting kitchen stuff. I’d bought a small armoire for my bedroom. In a local antique store in Lake Charles, I found a white iron bed that I fell in love with, and bought it. We found wingback chairs in that same store. And another visit there meant we found a small Duncan Phyfe table that was perfect for our new place. By the time we took possession, we had been buying and putting things aside, so we had enough to set up house.

I’ve spent time here, but not recently, and the last couple of days have reminded me just how new it still is. And how new an experience it is for my sister and me to share ownership and responsibilities.

We don’t have a large yard, not at all. And while we don’t have a lot of grass, it needs mowing. Unfortunately, we had not bought a mower yet, and it was time. Kay brought a weed-eater, and she used that the last time she was here. Yesterday, I bought a rotary mower, reasoning that such a small yard shouldn’t take much effort. Ha.

Today was a scorcher and I spent too much time even in the shade putting the mower together. When I’d finally finished, I tried to use it and discovered that I had the handles on backwards, which meant that the mower was only working when I pulled it toward me. Clearly, that was not ideal. I sat down, unscrewed the handle and flipped it into the right position, screwed the handle on again, and then it was right. I spent a few minutes trying it out, liked it, and then tried to mow the back strip of yard behind the house.

That’s when I realized that the grass was not only high and thick, but that there was more than just grass. There were different kinds of trash grass, and those were difficult to manage. Five minutes of frustration later, I gave up. The heat was too much. I rolled the mower onto the concrete under the house. I rinsed off in the sand shower and walked upstairs. I hadn’t realized just how hot the day was until I panted, chugged down a glass of water, and rinsed off again in the shower. I lay down on the bed and was out for a short nap.

Later in the afternoon, after it had cooled down some, I tried again, and quit more – the mower blades kept getting stuck in the grass. Conceding that I was defeated, I unlocked the storage room, rolled the mower in, and locked the storage room again.

It’s been a couple of days of discoveries. Yesterday, I had to text Kay to ask about the water heater — it didn’t seem to be on, and the water was lukewarm at best. Only then did I learn that there was a switch to turn the water heater on, that it was in the laundry area right by the breaker box, and that it was in fact not flipped on. Easy fix. Hot water with no trouble now.

Since I was here last, back in March or so, Kay has brought over the sleeper loveseat she found at an estate sale, gotten it into the living room, and covered it with the cover that I bought. At last, a real loveseat. With the two green wingback chairs and a forest-green leather footrest, the new seating really makes the room look right. Bit by bit, we’re making our beach haven ours. This week I’m going to look for a small table cover for the small round table in the corner, and I think I’ll look for a small bookcase for my bedroom. I need some shelves for storage.

Kay and I divide the expenses pretty evenly — the water bill comes to me, the electricity bill to her. She had satellite TV service installed. I’ll take care of internet — if I can ever find a service that we can afford. Apparently, AT&T internet service isn’t available on our street. I think it is there only a few streets away, maybe even on the next street over, because I can see AT&T wireless when my browser searches. Alas, coverage is not full. Our satellite television provide doesn’t provide internet. It sort of sub-contracts to another satellite internet provider, but the cost is high and the reviews are really bad. So for now, I’m using the iPad and the cellular option. Even that doesn’t always work. My cell phone coverage is spotty too. Problems, problems — minor ones, admittedly. I can manage.

But it’s funny, in a way. It says something about how Kay and I have slightly different priorities — for her, cable TV was really crucial. Not so for me. I’m happy with DVDs, though I admit I enjoy having cable TV now. Indeed, it is on while I’m working on t=my blog! For me, though, internet service is higher on my “must-have” list. While I can make do with what I have using the iPad and cellular service, I’d much prefer full service. I use the internet a lot — to read, to research. And to work on my blog, of course.

Not having it always available has made me recognize just how spoiled I am. It’s good in a way, since I’m learning how to manage with less. Not having it always available will force me to do other things — work on crafts, write, and maybe sew. That’s not a bad consequence, actually.

Kay’s been here during the summer — and I will now spend more time here since I’m back from Greece. I’m freer to spend time anytime I want to, not just on weekends. THe perks of retirement again. For years, the beach house that Ike destroyed was my runaway refuge, a place I could reach in two hours, an escape for a few days. Now I’m freer to be here.

Fall and winter are maybe my favorite times here at the beach. Summer crowds are gone. It’s comfortable and not crowded. I can hear the surf most days, just sitting on the deck. In a couple of minutes, I can walk down to the beach and look for seashells or sea glass.

If it rains, I just stay in and enjoy the soothing sounds of the rain. I snuggle under quilts with books.

So today when the rotary mower wasn’t working the way I wanted, I put it up. I’ll be here all week. Tomorrow, I’ll try Kay’s method — the weed-trimmer. If I can reduce the grass height some, then I can use the mower. I don’t have a time-frame for completion. If I can get a little done at a time, that’s fine. I just want to deal with it by the time I return to Lake Charles.

By tonight, most of my neighbors had packed their cars and left to return to their full-time homes, probably returning to work. I had the satisfaction of walking back upstairs and turning on the television, grabbing a diet Coke, and sitting with the dogs by my feet.

It’s a new beach house, one with three small but quite nice bedrooms, one bathroom, and a living room-kitchen. It’s about 825 square feet in size. There’s insulation, of course (something the old place did not have). Central air and heat.

Bit by bit, it’s becoming a home. While I was gone, Kay bought a double bed for the third bedroom, so it now has that bed and a sleeper chair from Ikea. We could probably have 8 or 9 people, I think, if we needed to.

She’s had friends here. I’ve had friends here. We spent Christmas here, our first since Dad died – and we started a new family tradition, I hope, of spending our Christmases here.

It’s close enough to run into Galveston for shopping or visiting. We’ve got a cousin who lives on the island. And we’ve got another cousin who lives south of Houston, just off I-45, about 20 minutes beyond Galveston and back on the mainland. That’s wonderful, to have family so close.

This week will be a welcome one, one I am enjoying so far. I had an old friend drive over Friday, and she left today. While we were in Galveston yesterday, I got to visit with a friend from grad school at Texas A&M in College Station — she was visiting her son, and we are connected on Facebook. What a treat to see her and catch up face to face!

Tonight, though, I’m sitting here with my Gypsy and ZsaZsa, the Shih Tzus, in peace and quiet. I’m feeling very grateful tonight, and very thankful.

Maybe I’ll get some decorating done this week. In between attempts to mow the grass and trips to the island. And I’ll write. Work on some jewelry. Nap, of course. And read.

Beach time. Good times.

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Words, Words, Words

Words. They’ve driven my life and my personal passion for reading and writing. I was a geek who loved to read dictionaries and encyclopedias. I still love to learn new words and just realized that I don’t have a physical dictionary for the beach house yet. That’s another acquisition to put on my “to-get” list. I know there are online dictionaries, and I’ve used them. But there’s nothing quite so satisfying as thumbing through the pages of a real, actual, physical dictionary.

Even separate from teaching composition and literature for over 30 years, words have always been important to me. I loved Little Golden Books so much, apparently, that my mother swore that she bribed me into potty training by giving Little Golden Books. Certainly I remember a stack of them, piled by my personal bathroom throne. Of course, she then swore that her problem was getting me out of the bathroom. I just wanted to read.

I was already reading before I started first grade (no kindergarten). By third grade, I was reading 7th grade books, and by 7th grade, I was reading the high-school-level books in our school library (left from the high school that closed in the summer between my 1st and 2nd grade years). I vaguely remember that by 7th grade I had a reading level of 12-grade+.

Always a voracious reader, I loved the parish library. For a while, a lady in Egan had a branch library in her home. By 6th grade I was hitting the public library in Crowley at least once a week — and was frustrated when I discovered that I wasn’t allowed to check out more than 10 books at a time.

That’s when encyclopedias came in handy. I could just grab a volume, open up at random, and pick something to read and learn about.

But it wasn’t just books that fed my hunger.

There were games to play, games that involved words.

I love to play board games – which is a distinct problem, since I live with two dogs and three cats, none of which exhibit the least interest in Scrabble or Monopoly or any kind of human game. When I was growing up, we always had different kinds of games to play, and since I lived in an oil-field camp, there were always lots of other kids to play games with. Whether it was Scrabble or anything else, it was easy to round up people on a rainy day or anytime the urge to play a board game hit.

Now, though, thanks to computers, it’s possible for me to play Scrabble. I can play against the computer. It’s not as fun, but it works. I also can play online with friends, whether we’re playing simultaneously or not.

I’ve also gotten attached to Words with Friends. And Word Scramble.

These and other word games were lifelines for me while I was living with Dad. When I didn’t want to read (admittedly, not often), or just wanted a change of pace, and Dad was sleeping, it was so handy to pull out the iPad and play these games. Some of them I played on and off, at different times of the day.

The word games kept me mentally alert, handy when I sometimes spent hours without talking to anyone. Sometimes, I felt as though those games were what kept me sane. Certainly, they kept me in touch with friends when I was living in Egan, which has maybe 400 people. Maybe. My routine while I lived with Dad and he was home: wake up, feed Dad, give him medicine, get the mail, maybe run errands if someone could sit with him. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I had to get him to dialysis. For a long time, he was on the early shift — which meant that I got up and had him at the clinic at 6:30 a.m. or so. Then I’d run errands or shop. Sometimes I went back to Egan and then drove the ten miles back to Crowley. Sometimes I’d just wander at Walmart.
But the iPad always gave me internet access to my online papers, to Facebook, and to Words with Friends and Scrabble.

Here at the beach house, I have an actual Scrabble game that a friend gave me for Christmas. It hasn’t been opened. Not yet. And I think I’m going to get a Monopoly game as well. I like the old-fashioned board games, when it’s possible for me to get others to play.

It’s Saturday night. I know others are going out and partying. I’m happy to sit here with an adult beverage (gin and tonic, with lime, just right for sweltering summer heat on the Gulf Coast). The word games will keep me entertained for a while.

I’ll settle for a few minutes to catch up with my current Words with Friends games. I think I’ve got 20 going.

And then? Find my current book (a book about the Regency world of Georgette Heyer) and read for a while.

Words. In whatever fashion. I never tire of them.

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Texas Road Trip — Crystal Beach, Boliver Peninsula

As I write this, I am sitting at the table in the beach house at Crystal Beach, near Galveston (just 15 miles to the ferry and then you’re on the island). A glass of chilled wine . . . and total relaxation.

It’s the first time I’ve been here since March, and it’s clearly full-on summer. The ceiling fans and the air-conditioning let me forget that even now, just after 8 pm, it’s in the 90s.

Once I had packed the car, and the dogs were settled, and I had a diet Coke and some water for the road, I plugged in my iPod and headed out on Interstate 10. By the time I’d crossed the border into Texas (halfway over the bridge over the Sabine River), I was in the road mode. Starting with the Dixie Chicks, I sang along with Natalie Maines. Texas music for the Texas road trip. Perfect.

My favorite route is to leave the interstate just past Orange, turning off onto state highway 62 South to Bridge City. It’s a two-lane road, but just perfect for avoiding the heavier traffic along the interstate. This route is much more rural, through small towns. Nine miles or so south and I turned right onto Highway 73 West, crossed over Rainbow Bridge, and took the 4-lane that skirts the Gulf and takes you through some of the scenic refineries of Port Arthur.

All along the road, though, you know you’re in a slower paced life. Cars and trucks are parked off the road. People and their fishing poles dot the various small bodies of water that are on either side of the road.

Even here the speed limit is 75 miles an hour (thanks, Texas!). The Dixie Chicks are through and it’s time for The Civil Wars for a while. As I sing, I travel in memory to childhood and later, scenes of the past triggered by the very places I travel through.

At one point, I cross by the turn to Taylor’s Bayou, and I am transported in time immediately. I am 5 years old, and my mother’s mother and stepfather have a camp on Taylor’s Bayou. It’s a real fishing camp, not a decorative one. Spiders co-habit with us. The camp is at the end of the road, and right by the bayou. Somewhere in a box, I’ve got photographs from that summer of 1956. In my so-stylish rubber swim cap, floating in an inner tube near my grandmother’s friends, I grin right at the camera. The water is dark, brownish, and now I don’t even want to think about what might have been near me. Regardless, I paddle and float without a second thought. Nearby, my grandmother sits in a lawn chair, wearing a bra and her peddle-pushers. My brother Phil, not quite 2, sits in her lap. His hair is bleached cotton white and he’s clearly suntanned. He’s laughing and happy as she teases him. My sister Kay isn’t around yet — she won’t be born for another 7 months or so.

I’m not quite sure when Mom and Poppa (my grandmother Ella and her husband, Glenn) bought the camp; nor do I know when they sold it. But the name of the camp? It may tell you a lot about their political leanings — and about the era. They named the camp Adair’s Hyannis Port. Not quite Kennedy headquarters, but wonderful nonetheless.

Soon I’ve passed that turnoff and continue on the highway that parallels the interstate, but south of it, and while there is certainly traffic on the 4 lanes, it’s nowhere near as packed as the interstate route. Another advantage: I avoid the Beaumont knot of traffic and interstate. If there’s going to be a traffic jam or an accident, it’s going to be on the stretch heading into Beaumont and curving toward Houston. Bypassing it, I don’t really cut any time off the journey, but I do avoid hassles and possible traffic snarls. I also get to travel through a very different landscape.

Highway 73 takes me through Port Arthur and Port Neches, near Groves, just skirting the south parts of those towns. For miles, though, what I see is grass. And water. And people fishing or crabbing. And birds.

Soon, I’ve followed Highway 73, curving right toward Winnie. That’s where I get off the highway (which continues on to Houston, and joins Interstate 10. Once at Winnie, I take a left and head south, through Seabreeze and lots of pastures. Soon, I’m crossing a bridge over the Intracoastal Canal, and then I’m in High Island. The high point of High Island allows you to look up and see the Gulf of Mexico, straight ahead. Slowing down past a fruit and vegetable stand that always has treats, I curve right, and then it’s the home stretch.

If I roll the window down, I can hear the Gulf, smell the salt air, and hear the seagulls that whirl overhead. Not too far out, there’s an oil platform. Just a few years ago, this area was devastated by Hurricane Ike. Now it looks so much better. The dunes are re-established, and while the beach road is closer to the Gulf than it was before, the road no longer appears in danger of washing out. Not now, not yet, anyway. There are trucks and cars on the beach, with canopies sheltering people who are there to swim and fish. Saltwater poles are stuck in the sand and the lines arc out into the surf.

Soon the houses appear to the left and right of the road. Bolivar Peninsula is rather narrow here, certainly narrower than it used to be. Visible to the left — the Gulf of Mexico. To the right is the Intracoastal Canal and then the bay. Single houses are on either side at first, but then the land widens and small communities of beach homes cluster off to the left and the right. Beachside and bayside homes, in summer colors, pastel and bright, announce that Hurricane Ike might have done a lot of damage, but it didn’t destroy this area.

Traffic slows from 60 MPH to 45 and then 40 as I approach and then cross Rollover Pass, the area cutting between the Gulf and the bay. Great for fishing, this cut-through effectively renders the rest of Boliver Peninsula a virtual island. Lots of people already line Rollover Pass, their fishing poles busily pulling in fish. It looks like a good day.

Once past the Pass, traffic speeds up again, and I pass through small communities like Caplen. The Peninsula’s water plant is on my right, and by the time I see the sign for Lafitte’s Landing and then Copacabana Beach, I know it’s almost time to turn off on the road to my destination.

Just to the right is Stingaree Road (North), and a flashing light, and I move to the center, come to a stop, and have my left blinker on. As soon as traffic allows, I turn left onto our road and then I slow down, take a sharp right, and park under my house.

Two hours, door to door, with no stops. I’ve sung along with the Dixie Chicks, The Civil Wars, and any number of different artists on The Return of the Grievous Angel, a tribute album for the late Gram Parsons.

I’ll be here for a week, probably. Right now my friend Donna is here for the weekend. We ate at a local place, the Tiki Bar and Grill. As I turned into its parking lot, a small plane was landing in the pasture just beyond. This is the place to be on a Friday night, clearly.

I love to drive, and this short two-hour drive has taken me into a different state — Texas, to be sure, but also just a different state of being. It’s Jimmy Buffet territory. Beach time. Summer music.

For years, after my grandmother and her husband sold Adair’s Hyannis Port, she rented beach houses here in Crystal Beach. Sometimes, she’d just come down from Beaumont for the day to go fishing or crabbing off one of the piers right after the turnoff from High Island onto Highway 87.

I’m not sure when it happened, but Highway 87, the actual beach road, is now named for Jane Long, a woman famous in Texas history. Sometimes, oldtimers in the mid-20th century said that if the surf rolled out far enough in the Gulf, it was possible to see the remains of old Indian settlements. Galveston Island once was home to Jean Lafitte for a while.

Like the other communities on Boliver Peninsula, Crystal Beach is a family-oriented area. Weekends, the beach is flooded with day-trippers from Beaumont and the Golden Triangle area. During the week, though, it’s just us locals and homeowners, and those who rent for a week. This is very laid-back, not very high-powered, though there are larger and far more expensive beach houses now. The post-Hurricane Ike building is surprising.

On Boliver, dotted between some communities and houses, you still see cattle. This is a bird sanctuary area, too, or used to be before Hurricane Ike.

For my week here, I have two pairs of shorts, a few tops, a swimming suit, and two pairs of cotton pants. Flip-flops. One pair of beach sandals. THere’s one big grocery store, known as Gulf Coast Market and now as The Big Store. You can get anything from gourmet cheeses to plumbing items. It’s one of my favorite places just to wander in. We’re also happy to have a Dollar Store now. We’re easy to satisfy. There’s a lumber yard. There are a variety of businesses. Also a number of bars and places to eat.

If you need more choices, you have to go onto the island. Krogers, Target, Home Depot, Walmart –those are in Galveston. Also Pier One.

Galveston is tourist territory. Moody Gardens, Schlitterbahn. The seawall along the Gulf. Or the Strand near the bay. Tourists wander everywhere. There might be a cruise ship docked, and those passengers might be wandering around too.

For people interested in history, this is the place to study the great storm of 1900, the hurricane that killed an estimated 5000-8000 people. No-one really knows how many died. Read Isaac’s Storm before you come; and when you’re here, take time to look for the film on the hurricane, shown on the bayside near the Strand. It’s chilling.

Along the Gulf Coast we mark our summers and falls by hurricanes, named ones. It’s just a fact of life here.

The beach house I’m sitting in is new. My sister and I rebuilt last year, on the land where there was a fishing camp. I bought it in 1997, and after Hurricane Ike, all I had left was a broken slab and one Christmas ornament, an angel. Its wing was chipped, but it survived where nothing else did. It’s not Christmas, of course, but that ornament sits on a table in the living room. It has meaning for me.

We rebuilt. Others did too. This is an area of survivors. And we know to enjoy what we have, while we have it.

Tomorrow, I think we’ll head to the ferry, get in line and take one of the ferries across to Galveston.

For now, though, I think I’ll finish my glass of wine and maybe sit on the deck for a while. If the mosquitoes let me.

I’ve traveled only two hours, but into a very different zone. It’s time to kick back and enjoy.

As Jimmy Buffet notes, “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes.” Absolutely.

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